Last weekend the pool was closed and I managed, with the one week off, to absolutely forget that I'm trying to swim on Saturdays.
It's so lovely doing it but there are immense burdens of discomfort: cold air, exposed flesh, hoping for a lane to myself, sharing a lane, dim, dinky showers, stinking all day of chlorine and bad hair. The barriers to entry are high.
I'm going in a few minutes. Just laid out my suit and felt like I was laying out my superhero costume. I can do this!
A friend has delightful 10 year old triplets, one with birth trauma. He can't speak or walk or see or hear.
She'd been told he'd never be able to reliably touch his mouth or nose: to sense the body's midline both brain hemispheres must coordinate. But he's learned to feed himself, a huge accomplishment.
Years ago, as a non-Christian, I mysteriously began to feel urges to cross myself when I'm craving peace. It settles me.
I just realized that I'm seeking my midline.
It is a playful-ness, and something that can never really be lost.
It may be covered up, but never lost.
On my way to teach my class today. Feeling nervous because I'm supposed to show them some movies which can be hard on the hips and knees if you haven't built up the strength - so I felt conflicted: I was essentially showing them how to do something and cautioning them against it at the same time.
I ran into a friend on the way who gave me a great hug and then said, "Doesn't matter what you say, they're just going to be looking at your cute butt cheeks."
Which, weirdly, made me feel better.
Annihilation - movie adaptation and race (not super spoilery, but slightly) https://electricliterature.com/casting-white-actors-in-annihilation-is-missing-the-point-of-the-story-d8f7bcc22e67
medical parental 2/2 Show more
So the two legs are in opposition - one with a clot that won't dissolve, the other with a pooling wound that won't heal.
5 years ago he was running and biking, so fit and tan. He's eased into this dire illness (the metastasized cancer throughout his body, more or less unrelated to the clotting issue) with gentleness and ease. He just wants to sit in a cozy chair with his cat on his lap and a good book. I'm so grateful for his peace with all this.
medical parental 1/2 Show more
My dad just had an operation to put a filter in his vena cava to catch the blood clots that keep coming up from his legs and wedging themselves in bad places like lungs (2x) and heart (1x). He's been on blood thinners since the last bad one (and is Coumadin resistant which escalates the complication/cost equation.) But he still has a scary clot in one leg.
His other leg developed a huge hematoma that wasn't healing due to the blood thinners.
RT @firstname.lastname@example.org Those of you whose genders are the same as the one they were assigned at birth, how do you feel about the term "cisgender"?
RTs very welcome, because I reckon most of my followers are probably trans!
Thinking about my avoidant behaviors when that Chogyam Trunpa quote appeared in my inbox.
Yesterday I was desperate in the library line to not get the clerk who used to live in our neighborhood and creeped me out (once asking me in person why I hadn't accepted his FB friend request.) I didn't want to make nice or feel guilty about it, and I got the other clerk, so avoidance/ cowardice won the day.
I wondered why I couldn't just be honest and present with my feelings of dislike.
"If we are really honest with ourselves, if we allow space for ourselves, we automatically know that the subtlety of self-hypocrisy is always there, without fail. Even if you have great will power to override such obstacles, still you would know. There still will be a very faint but very sharp, very delicate and penetrating understanding that something is not quite right. That is basic sanity, which continues all the time, without fail." Chogyam Trungpa #smallquotes
SFFBookClub March Book Show more
For the month of March we have a tie between Akata Witch and Ancillary Justice. It's with a heavy heart that I have to make the tie breaking decision. I have never read Akata Witch and it seems like something really different from our two previous books so I am picking Akata Witch for our book.
In order to get as much lead time as possible for people to aquire books, we're going to start the survey for April on 3/1. Send in nominations now!
PRINT SALE PRINT SALE
my adventures have been hard on my gear lately, so i'm raising funds for some equipment repairs!
all my photographs are shot on black and white medium format film; these are archival inkjet prints, on a range of papers from washi to baryta
full listing: https://modgethanc.com/printsale/
int'l orders okay, payment methods negotiable
email email@example.com if you're interested; i'm only taking about a dozen orders this round!
Doggo so proud to be included with the big kids. "We're snuggling now, right?"
Lately, I've been doing this more than writing. (That's me trying to get my right toe onto a tiny hold, while barely touching the hold with my left hand. I fell a moment later. And again and again.)
Is writing gone from my life? I'm surprised but I feel much happier without it. These little mastodon scraps are oddly satisfying. Just *thinking* about writing - how I might structure what I want to say - feels enlightening. Feels like, right now, enough.
On our walk this morning, the doggo and I broke up a mallard fight (belligerent chest-bumping) and then, following the creek trail to the edge of the lake, we ran across a creature I'm now in a google-loop of non-identification of: groundhog-beaver-nutria-fisher-muskrat? Being in memory some amalgam of characteristics none of which fit any one beast: hunched body (not weaselish), long, round fluffy tail (not beaverish nor rattish) small but not too small...chimeric rodent of unusual size.
I finally got one of my friends climbing with me. He went yesterday for the first time and we went again today. I'd been inviting him for over a year. He'd told me his doctor said he HAD to do some exercise, but as a dad with small kids, he wasn't letting himself. Meanwhile his weight has crept up and his body has begun hurting.
It's so cool to see him climb - he's a natural with his body movement. Somethings has shifted in him. I can see the love for the sport awakening. He sort of glows.
"I'm going to faint," she says and the doctor reclines her chair.
"Put your legs up and kick them," he says. My 16 year old does an inverted can-can in a 40's cocktail dress and seamed stockings while he finishes cauterizing her nose.
He fetches her a lollipop and chats. He's rugged, TV-starrish, Indian, grew up in Uganda, was a refugee in Canada. "Explore the world," he tells her, "don't start working too soon. There's always work," he says, "It's so boring."
I threw this out there yesterday, but wanted to post it again. If you'd like to get a homemade postcard for International Correspondence Writing Month (which I totally forgot was in February), let me know!
I would love to make and mail a postcard to wherever you want on the planet.
Also if you want to know more: https://incowrimo.org/